the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
