Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
