apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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