his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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