somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Found your dick twin last night
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I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
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Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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