I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
