Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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