Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
