from now on my penis is your penis
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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