Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have fence marks all over my body
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
