My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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