Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
