I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
