i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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