Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
