Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
