Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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