Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
