tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
