The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
