my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I supernannyed him into submission
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
