I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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