The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
