man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
