i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
