I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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