The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
