did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize