I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
