I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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