Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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