You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
