she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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