Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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