i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Still dying that you shit outside
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
