soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
