And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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