oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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