Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
