cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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