first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Four minutes until I can fart!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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