i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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