i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i've created a new STD.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
