I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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