Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
