i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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