Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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