i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
