Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
