apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
