His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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