Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
