Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys