i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex