So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
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The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
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lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.