I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.