He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
