I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
