Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
