i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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