my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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