i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
